The Mistake of a Lifetime

I almost married someone I wasn’t in love with a month ago today. This morning I looked at a lotto ticket that has been sitting in my wallet since Saturday. I knew that today they announce the winning numbers, so I pulled it out, and that’s when I noticed the date. It’s the 22nd. I’m surprised how fast the time has gone by, and at the same time I feel as though it’s been a year since I almost married into what surely would have been a disaster.

I called off my wedding almost exactly a month before the date. I’m happy I came to my senses when I did, yet a little part of me wishes that I had that Runaway Bride moment, escaping minutes before the ceremony starts in my full Bride getup in the back of my best friends pickup truck. See, she had it all planned out. She knew that this marriage would have been the end of me. I told her and her husband one morning around 2am, after one drink too many, that I didn’t think I could go through with it. After I finally admitted it the words rushed out. I told them all the gory details of how unhappy I was. They told me they would support me no matter what. Turns out her way of supporting me was not what I expected.

After my 2am confession I had to go back to reality. The next day I drove home, confident in my decision, ready to call things off. The problem was The Ex’s sister and her boyfriend were staying with us for a long weekend. I didn’t want to say anything while they were there, of course, so I ended up playing the part of the doting fiancé. I didn’t realize how easy it would be to slip back into that role. And stay in that role. I decided it would be easier to just go along with things as they were. I was willing to compromise my happiness to avoid one difficult conversation. Looking back I realize how incredibly ridiculous this is.

I remember when I told my best friend that I was going to go through with it. The Ex’s sister had just left and he and I were on our way to go wedding veil and shoe shopping. I was too scared to speak to her because I knew if I did I would have to face the fact once again that my perfect little fairy-tale wedding was in fact a nightmare. So I texted her. She told me that she would stand by me in my decisions but let me know she didn’t agree with me. Then, a couple days later, she called. She told me she could not stand up next to me in my wedding knowing how unhappy I was. I was crushed. It’s hard to face a friend who is willing to say the things that you’re not. I was mortified, too. How was I going to explain to everyone that my best friend, my Maid of Honor, was no longer in the wedding? Needless to say, it didn’t get to that. I called the wedding off.

My best friend since the day I was born and I weren’t speaking. The night I finally got up the guts to call off the wedding I was surprised how easy it was. It came down to one question, asked by The Ex: “Do you still want to marry me?” Once I gave my answer, a simple “No”, it was over. He left the room to call his family, no questions asked. I picked up my phone and called my best friend. I hadn’t spoken with her in over a week. She answered and all I said was her name. She heard my voice, the wobble in the second syllable, and said “I’m on my way”. She picked me up and on the way to her house she told me her plan. If I had decided to go through with it she was going to sit in the driveway of the house on the day of my wedding, pickup truck running, waiting for the call. Because she knew it would come. If only I had known maybe I would have waited to call things off. You only get that photo-op once. (Kidding, of course)

The Moral of the story: Today I love mistakes nearly made and friends who know you better than you know yourself.