Young & Irresponsible

Summer is almost over, grasping to get in a few more rays before fall takes over. This transition is my favorite time of year. I often wonder if it’s because it mirrors my life. We’re always in a transition, constantly changing. I feel myself grasping onto the old, reluctant to let go, as the new takes hold.

I feel as though I missed out on the beginning of my twenties. I was so focused on growing up that I forgot to enjoy being young. Now I’m in the transition of accepting how young I actually am.

This year I was to be married and start a family. The man I was to marry was 13 years my senior and I found myself fighting to prove to others that we belonged, that it wasn’t so odd that we were together. I remember when I took my nose ring out. I looked in the mirror and saw this stud in my nose, this teeny stud that I loved so dearly, and thought how it made me look young. So I took it out. In all reality it didn’t make me look ‘young’, it made me look my age. I was 21. Last week I was curious to see if it would go back in. it had been 2 years since I last sported it. So I drove down to the same place I had it pierced and bought a replacement. It’s the same small, silver stud I wore before. It went right in. I found myself looking in the mirror and thinking once again how it made me look young. And yet I still loved it. So, I decided it would stay. Does it make me look young? Fuck it, I am young. And I’m allowed to be young.

I look back on the last two years and see how much I changed of myself in order to appear older. I wore different clothes. I listened to different music, changed my makeup. When I went out with friends we went to fancy dinners, dressed up and drank nice wines. I loved every moment of it, and still love to do those things, but I’m having so much fun wearing my jeans and flip flops and grabbing a beer at the run-down bar. The bar I would have avoided last year. I feel as though I get to be myself again. I missed me. If given the chance, would I go back and change things? Probably not. I’ve grown a lot and know things about myself now that I probably wouldn’t have learned for a long time.

So, what are you doing tonight? Let’s go be young & irresponsible.

The Moral of the story: Today I love me. Sounds selfish, I know, but true